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i. I mistook a shy boy for a thunderous one in the days when I lived inside his lungs.


ii. I wanted your hands in the early morning, or in 8 o' clock light. (Does it matter? I just wanted you.) Hands like paper cranes, hands like wind chimes. Then we could've been like lovers in a parody: "I love you, I love you—no, I don't. But you are beautiful." And while I was not your lover, neither was I your queen. Either way, you wouldn't hold my heart.


iii. Our fingers would've taken flight and then the rest of us, too. Then you would've known of the ballroom in my chest, the migrations inside my body, of the tiny secret nothings that make their way like monarchs—as if by instinct, as if they have been here before—from ballroom to piano hands to the museum that is my mind to my stomach. But you are the only lost boy afraid to fly.


iv. I was a foreign land and you would not dare travel without a map. But I do not possess a souvenir shop in which to purchase one. I am a destination and not a stop along the road, and if you come to me, you stay, and that is why you never had to leave.


v. I took strange for wondrous and unknowable for mysterious. I thought that shyness was sweet and strength was beauty.


vi. I am the only one who will have my heart.
"in the morning when I wake
and the sun
is coming through, boy
you fill my lungs with
sweetness, and you fill
my head
with you"



Old, unrequited noth/feelings galore. I think I've come a bit of a way since the first piece I wrote about him, 11 months ago. [link] And I'm getting redundant with the whole shy gig but if you met him you'd know that that's the word for him. (it's taking me two weeks and counting to finish The Butterfly's Daughter because I don't have much time for it what with high school and shit, which explains how the monarchs snuck in)

A shout out to David, 'cause he knows what it's like.

:iconthewrittenrevolution:

Critique [link] on ~Hildetann's blue velvet, which was lovely.

I think I like this so rip it up and tell me whatever's wrong with it. Tell me what you think about the flow, imagery, and structure, tell me what you're getting from this, and general comments are loved. :heart:

No plagiarizing.

Pick of the Day over at :icondailylitdeviations: :heart: June 27 '13 suggested by *imaginative-lioness and featured by =LadyofGaerdon

:heart:FEATURED in

:bulletblue: #WritersInk's Weekly Round-Up
:bulletblue: Friday Night Features LXXVII by `dreamsinstatic
:bulletblue: =SilverInkblot's 2012 showcase of 100 pieces of lit
:bulletblue: *TheDarkenedBride's Friends Feature 17
:bulletblue: *imaginative-lioness' Literature Roadtrip Day 01
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:icontheeggo:
theeggo Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2013
"Then you would've known of the ballroom in my chest, the migrations inside my body, of the tiny secret nothings that make their way like monarchs"
Brevity? Damn. You're too much
Reply
:iconflummo:
flummo Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2013  Student Writer
Ahh know but is that a good thing or a bad thing?
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2013   General Artist
lots lovely lines! :love:
congratulations on the DLD, mahal! :tighthug:
Reply
:iconflummo:
flummo Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2013  Student Writer
Thanks Dee. :heart: and for the :+fav: as well. :huggle:
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Jul 24, 2013   General Artist
always, darling dear! :cuddle: :heart: :heart: :heart:
Reply
:iconbrokengod--veins:
brokengod--veins Featured By Owner Jun 28, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Congratz, Ianna! :huggle:
Reply
:iconflummo:
flummo Featured By Owner Jun 28, 2013  Student Writer
Thanks Kriz. :heart:
Reply
:iconyour-methamphetamine:
your-methamphetamine Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2013  Student Writer
damn, those last few lines. i love this. <3
Reply
:iconflummo:
flummo Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2013  Student Writer
Thank you, and for the :+fav: as well. :huggle:
Reply
:iconladyofgaerdon:
LadyofGaerdon Featured By Owner Jun 26, 2013  Professional Writer
iv. I was a foreign land and you would not dare travel without a map. But I do not possess a souvenir shop in which to purchase one. I am a destination and not a stop along the road, and if you come to me, you stay, and that is why you never had to leave.

This line broke my heart a little. Thank you. :heart:


Reply
:iconflummo:
flummo Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2013  Student Writer
Thank you. :love:
Reply
:iconladyofgaerdon:
LadyofGaerdon Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2013  Professional Writer
:heart:
Reply
:iconconcora:
Concora Featured By Owner Jun 26, 2013   Writer
The imagery, the diction, everything here is just sublime.
Congratulations on the DLD. :heart:
Reply
:iconflummo:
flummo Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2013  Student Writer
Thank you lovely. :huggle:
Reply
:icondailylitdeviations:
DailyLitDeviations Featured By Owner Jun 26, 2013
Your wonderful literary work has been chosen to be featured by =DailyLitDeviations and has been selected as our "Pick of the Day". It is featured in a news article here: dailylitdeviations.deviantart.... and on our main page.

Be sure to check out the other artists featured and show your support by :+fav:ing the News Article. Keep writing and keep creating.
Reply
:iconflummo:
flummo Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2013  Student Writer
:jawdrop: thankyouthankyouthankyou.
Reply
:iconimaginative-lioness:
imaginative-lioness Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
'I mistook a shy boy for a thunderous one in the days when I lived inside his lungs.'

This line captured me instantly, never letting me go until I made it to the very end. You have such a creative way in expressing your pieces, the images you create are memorable and have such a powerful impact on your readers. I think that that is your greatest strength as a writer: your ability to capture your readers with your unique and creative writing style and language.

Other lines which captured me were:

'Hands like paper cranes, hands like wind chimes.'
'I was a foreign land and you would not dare travel without a map.'
'I thought that shyness was sweet and strength was beauty.'

:clap:
Reply
:iconflummo:
flummo Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2013  Student Writer
I'm actually really proud of that first line, and this piece in general, so thank you, from the bottom of my heart. :heart:
Reply
:icontravelgirlxx:
travelgirlxx Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013
(Does it matter? I just wanted you.)


Yes. Completely. I understand because I am there, waiting in the 8 o'clock morning light.
Reply
:iconflummo:
flummo Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Student Writer
:heart::heart:
Reply
:icontravelgirlxx:
travelgirlxx Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013
:heart:
Reply
:iconsilverinkblot:
SilverInkblot Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Hi there! Just a note to let you know I've featured this piece in my 2012 showcase of literature: [link] :D
Reply
:iconflummo:
flummo Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2012  Student Writer
:iconlawooplz:
Reply
:iconsilverinkblot:
SilverInkblot Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:la:
Reply
:iconhazeltown:
hazeltown Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
" Hands like paper cranes, hands like wind chimes."


Your little words are like honey.
Reply
:iconflummo:
flummo Featured By Owner Dec 19, 2012  Student Writer
:heart:
Reply
:icondreamsinstatic:
dreamsinstatic Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2012
Your fantastic work has been featured in Friday Night Features.
Reply
:iconflummo:
flummo Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012  Student Writer
Goodness, thank you! :heart:
Reply
:iconrandomlyinspired-21:
randomlyinspired-21 Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2012  Student Writer
I can't believe I read this just now-this is my favorite from you! :heart:

I love the second one so very much, especially:

"I love you, I love you—no, I don't. But you are beautiful." (This just took my breath away)
Reply
:iconflummo:
flummo Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2012  Student Writer
I'm ecstatic that you like it this much. :heart::heart::heart: You are wonderful.

Written for a real person and that line summed up a lot of my feelings for him. :laughing:
Reply
:iconrandomlyinspired-21:
randomlyinspired-21 Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2012  Student Writer
ooohhhh curious na ako tuloy-dati pa ba siya? :blush:
Reply
:iconflummo:
flummo Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2012  Student Writer
:laughing: I liked him late last year. We were classmates, and we're still classmates now. He only admitted that he liked me as well earlier this year (but last school year) and we had a thing for awhile, but we didn't talk at all during the summer, so it sort of died out. I don't really have any feelings for him anymore and now all I'm doing is writing it out, if that makes sense. And holy shit he is freakin' gorgeous. We talk more now but he's practically a stranger still--hence some of the parts in this piece, and the first one I wrote about him: [link]
Reply
:iconrandomlyinspired-21:
randomlyinspired-21 Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2012  Student Writer
ahhhhhh so he's more of a shy type...

sayang naman :(
Reply
:iconflummo:
flummo Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2012  Student Writer
Quite, and quite. Oh well papel.
Reply
:iconrandomlyinspired-21:
randomlyinspired-21 Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2012  Student Writer
hehehehe I hear ya! :P

Never thought the thoughts you had for him were beautiful, even if unrequited.
Reply
:iconflummo:
flummo Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2012  Student Writer
Well... no matter what happens to me, I can always write about it. No matter what, I have my words. And fact: you can find beauty in almost anything. :)
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconmeggie272:
Meggie272 Featured By Owner Dec 8, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I like this! I think the flow and the segmenting of ideas is really well done - it forms a cohesive whole but you can see the puzzle pieces, if that makes sense at all. I also like the range of emotions that comes with heartbreak, and how you've expressed them - the regret and the sadness, but the strength that comes through clearest in the last line.
Reply
:iconflummo:
flummo Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2012  Student Writer
Thank you very much. :heart: I'm glad you read into it this much. :D And thank you for the :+fav: as well!
Reply
:iconmeggie272:
Meggie272 Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome!
Reply
:iconkaruslumen:
karuslumen Featured By Owner Dec 1, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
i :heart: it! (and the paper kites are awesome!!! bloom is one of my faves by them. :D)
Reply
:iconflummo:
flummo Featured By Owner Dec 1, 2012  Student Writer
And what the heck, this is very random and I'm not a stalker or anything but are you @kamisthoughts on Twitter? I don't follow you but you popped up in my 'Who To Follow' suggestions just now and yeah... serendipitous occurrences.
Reply
:iconkaruslumen:
karuslumen Featured By Owner Dec 2, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
no, i don't have a twitter. :)
Reply
:iconflummo:
flummo Featured By Owner Dec 3, 2012  Student Writer
Oh... never mind then. Sorry, same icon is all. :laughing:
Reply
:iconkaruslumen:
karuslumen Featured By Owner Dec 3, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
haha, weird.
Reply
:iconflummo:
flummo Featured By Owner Dec 1, 2012  Student Writer
Thank yoou. :love: Bloom is my song for the boy I wrote this for, I'm glad someone recognized the lyrics, it's a beautiful track. :heart: The Paper Kites are amazing. :la:
Reply
:iconstoryrpart:
StoryRPArt Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
This was just beautiful. I loved every word and every bit of emotion it emanated. You did an amazing job with the imagery and everything was just so...lovely. I don't even know what word to use!
Reply
:iconflummo:
flummo Featured By Owner Dec 1, 2012  Student Writer
You are lovely, thanks so so much. :heart:
Reply
:iconstoryrpart:
StoryRPArt Featured By Owner Dec 1, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
:heart: You're very welcome
Reply
:iconjinai:
Jinai Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012
Some legendary rhythm there my friend.
Reply
:iconflummo:
flummo Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Student Writer
That anyone would deign to call my work legendary is incredible. Thanks very much, and for the :+fav: as well. :D
Reply
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