Glory Be! Day 274 or thereaboutsKuya
in this context means older brother in Filipino. It's been far, far too long since I've uploaded anything here and that's because since Tribute
, I haven't completed a piece. Still writing every day though (thank god for the Glory Be Project) and hoping to finish some of the stuff I've been working on. This is the first result of my rustiness, and it might be utterly terrible (erratic slant rhyming eh) or it might be something. To be completely honest I was a tearstained mess while writing this. It was good to get it out, but it could use some work. Let me know what you think. %theWrittenRevolutionCritique
on Coffee Shop Confession
It's been awhile since I've written free verse, and I am shit at line breaks. Help me?
Talk to me about that slant rhyming, if it works or if it has to go. (also that us/us him/him towards the end does it bother you as much as it bothers me?
Haven't figured out a way around it)
Tell me truly if that bit from "Kuya, you"
downwards is cheesy.
General comments about word choice, flow, etc.? Anything you think I could tighten up.
You should go shower =doughboycafe
with love and devotion, yes, yes you should.
And around the time I posted this, ~theeggo
and I were joking in the comments
down below about this getting a DD. Funny that it came true.
EDIT 12/07 Cut a couple of unnecessary words and fixed the line breaks and such. I think I'm finally happy with the format.