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Literature by JayDanjerCobain


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Submitted on
November 5, 2013
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523 (1 today)
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I hope she will kiss
each knucklebone tenderly,

turn the pages of your soul
quietly,

hold the fire you carry inside of you
close to her chest

and tell herself,
“This
is how he loves me.”
I have this really good friend who is all about strength and do you know that feeling you get when you just think the best people deserve the best things like quality education and memorable birthdays and good love? Yeah.

Wrote this about a year ago with the intention of adding to it, only just realized it could stand on its own. What do you think? Also, any suggestions on how else to break this up so as to ease the flow? Also, general comments and things.

EDIT 11/08 - formatting/line breaks changed per suggestion of *riparii who is shimmery :icongrinstareplz:

11/24 - :icondailylitdeviations: :heart: here thanks to =UnspecifiedUnknown :love:

:heart: FEATURED
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:icontheemptychest:
TheEmptyChest Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2014
Aww, so incredibly sweet. :aww:
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:iconflummo:
flummo Featured By Owner Mar 29, 2014  Student Writer
Thank yoou. :heart:
Reply
:iconhaphazardmelody:
haphazardmelody Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I love this, although honestly the title does not quite work for me. It just doesn't seem to fit...I don't know, the mood?

But seriously. The imagery in this is great, and the formatting is perfect.
Reply
:iconflummo:
flummo Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2014  Student Writer
And I hafta credit riparii with the formatting. :love:
Reply
:iconhaphazardmelody:
haphazardmelody Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Yes! The formatting is great!
Reply
:iconflummo:
flummo Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2014  Student Writer
I like the title myself though some people have expressed confusion over it. :laughing: Oh well. All the same, I'm glad you like it. :heart:
Reply
:iconhaphazardmelody:
haphazardmelody Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I mean, I'm sure the title fits the person you had in mind when writing this. I get that.
Reply
:iconflummo:
flummo Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2014  Student Writer
It's fine! I'm just happy you appreciate the rest of it. :huggle:
Reply
:icontreasures-of-wisdom:
Treasures-Of-Wisdom Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
This is absolutely beautiful, and personally I think it is perfect in being short.  Anything more, I feel, would probably take away from how flawless this work already is.  And congratulations on your daily literature deviation. =)
Reply
:iconflummo:
flummo Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2013  Student Writer
This is a late reply, but thank you so much :heart::heart:
Reply
:icontreasures-of-wisdom:
Treasures-Of-Wisdom Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I appreciate simply receiving the reply at all, which means a lot to me, and you are greatly welcome! =D
Reply
:iconwordeea:
Wordeea Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
beautiful. well deserved DLD
Reply
:iconflummo:
flummo Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2013  Student Writer
thank you so much, and for the :+fav: as well! :love:
Reply
:icondailylitdeviations:
DailyLitDeviations Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2013
Your wonderful literary work has been chosen to be featured by DailyLitDeviations in a news article that can be found here dailylitdeviations.deviantart.…
Be sure to check out the other artists featured and show your support by :+fav:ing the News Article.
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:iconflummo:
flummo Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2013  Student Writer
:iconlawooplz:
Reply
:iconmoonlark91:
Moonlark91 Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2013  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
tears in my eyes as i read this.. gorgeous ^^
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:iconflummo:
flummo Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2013  Student Writer
Oh, wow, my goodness, thank you, and for the :+fav: as well :huggle:
Reply
:iconmoonlark91:
Moonlark91 Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2013  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
no problem dear. it's a beautiful poem ^^
Reply
:icon0hgravity:
0hgravity Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I like the genuine feel of the piece.

it stands very well on its own.
Reply
:iconflummo:
flummo Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2013  Student Writer
Thanks Gravity :heart:
Reply
:iconfuzzyhoser:
FuzzyHoser Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Lovely, and it stands just wonderfully on its own.
Reply
:iconflummo:
flummo Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2013  Student Writer
thank ye :huggle:
Reply
:iconfuzzyhoser:
FuzzyHoser Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Yes'm. (: Hey, you and yours are alright, right? I've heard about that awful typhoon that hit. So tragic. :(
Reply
:iconwhimsicalapocalypse:
WhimsicalApocalypse Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2013  Student Writer
'turn the pages of your soul
quietly,
' --->love love love this line. I find it incredibly elegant. :)

But oooh, short and sweet. Definitely very nice. I love the picture it paints. :D (WELCOME BACK TO THE LAND OF UPDATING!)
Reply
:iconflummo:
flummo Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2013  Student Writer
Thanks Ris. :heart::heart:

(THANK YOU, THANK YOU, IT'S GOOD TO BE HERE, NO FLASH PHOTOGRAPHY PLEASE)
Reply
:iconvespera:
vespera Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I think it stands wonderfully on it's own. :heart:
Reply
:iconflummo:
flummo Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2013  Student Writer
:heart: thank you
Reply
:iconriparii:
riparii Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2013
Very gentle and pretty. Playing around with the formatting:


I hope she will kiss
each knucklebone tenderly,

turn the pages of your soul
quietly,

hold the fire you carry inside of you
close to her chest

and tell herself,
“This
is how he loves me.”


Reply
:iconflummo:
flummo Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2013  Student Writer
Oooh I like how that reads, I'm going to go with that. :heart: Thank yooou, and for the :+fav: as well. :love:
Reply
:iconriparii:
riparii Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2013
I liked it better each time I re-read it. Very pretty. :-)
Reply
:iconflummo:
flummo Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2013  Student Writer
:tighthug:
Reply
:iconwhiteplumfragrance:
WhitePlumFragrance Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Lovely text omg!
Reply
:iconflummo:
flummo Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2013  Student Writer
Thank you, and for the :+fav: as well. :heart:
Reply
:iconwhiteplumfragrance:
WhitePlumFragrance Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
My pleasure. :D
Reply
:iconclemce:
Clemce Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2013  Hobbyist
Actually, the broken flow of this piece may remind one of the leap between hope and reality (will she actually take care of herself the way you hope she will?). Furthermore, one may be reminded of the contour of knuckle bones when seeing the shape of the poem (only missing one to make both fists, thus embedding the idea that she is a fighter!). Lovely imagery :)
Reply
:iconflummo:
flummo Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2013  Student Writer
Although your interpretation isn't spot-on with how I meant for the piece to come across (it's for a guy friend, and I'm hoping that whoever he ends up with the future will know him well and be good for him) I loved it all the same. :heart: Thank you thank you.
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